Goodbye Toronto!

That’s right! I’ve now officially left Toronto, at least for some time, and am on my way home, with a bit of a detour along the way! I’m back in LA, in the same hostel I was in before, and although it all looks pretty much the same, I am amazed by how much more comfortable I am now that I recognise many of the stores from Toronto, and actually have a liking for many of them!
Anyway, the last few weeks in Toronto seemed to fly by. As it became apparent that the strike was not going to finish before I left, I suddenly had lots of work to do in contacting lecturers and doing the work for the rest of the semester! It is now all done (I hope!) and sent in, so hopefully it will all work out and the entire semester won’t have been a waste of time! At the same time as doing these assignments I was trying to sort through some of the stuff in my room and find homes for many of my things, and do all the final Toronto things that I had been wanting to do! Luckily I got most of this done before I headed off to Christmas Camp!
The camp was put on by the group of people who ran my Friday night group for international students. As such, there were always a few English lessons happening at the same time of other activities! It was lots of fun though, and we had LOTS of snow and so I got to spend some time tubing, cross-country skiing, snowshoeing, snowman building and of course throwing snow! Many of the other campers weren’t as keen to fully immerse themselves in the snow as I was, but I managed to find some people! There were also lots of Christmas carols and sharing of cultures and foods; I got everyone singing ‘Christmas in the Scrub’ and eating Vegemite, but most of the other cultures had slightly more serious and authentic things to share which was great. There was also some basic introduction of the Christmas story which was fun, and also came with the always fun questions like ‘but why did he have to die?’ Overall, a really fun few days and I was very sad to leave!
Once I got back to my room however, I only had 24 hours to pack up my room and head to the airport! There was almost noone left on campus, as they had all gone home for either Christmas or the strike, but I got my room all packed up into 2 bags (one of which weighed 58 pounds, and the other 42!) After spending way too long standing in lines with my bags I finally got through the airport and made it to LA, with lots of aches and pains from not being used to carrying a heavy back pack and dragging the suitcase! Tomorrow I will meet up with the group flying in from Sydney and we will drive down to San Diego, before heading into Mexico on Tuesday! The full itinerary for the trip is:
Monday 29 December:
• Meet at Sydney airport at 12:30 at/near Air NZ departures for 15:30 departure on Air NZ 718. Arrive Auckland 20:35 and depart Auckland 22:45 on Air NZ 2; arrive LA 14:00.
• On arrival in LA, transfer by coach to San Ysidro (USA – on Mexican border).
• Overnight San Ysidro staying at Americana Inn & Suites, 815 W San Ysidro Blvd, San Ysidro ph.0011-1-619-428-5521
• Group dinner at Coco’s next to motel

Tuesday 30 December:
• Last minute shopping before checking in with Amor at 1pm to cross the border. (For emergency contact: Amor office: 1664 Precision Park Lane, San Diego ph.0011-1-619-662-1200)
• Travel in convoy across Otay border crossing and to campsite, unload, settle in.
• Dinner at campsite

Wednesday 31 December:
• House building day 1 – dinner at campsite

Thursday 1 January:
• House building day 2 – dinner at campsite

Friday 2 January:
• House building day 3 – dinner at campsite

Saturday 3 January:
• House building day 4 – dinner at campsite

Sunday 4 January:
• Attend church service in morning
• Lunch/afternoon – activity TBA; dinner at campsite

Monday 5 January:
• House building day 5 – dinner at campsite

Tuesday 6 January:
• Breakfast at campsite, pack up, visit/bless houses, say goodbyes to families
• Travel to Rosarito, Baja California Coast (15 miles (approx 28 k) south of Tijuana)
• Staying at Quinta Pacifica, Blvd Benito Juarez #25500, Baja Cal ph.0011-52-661-612-1145 or 0011-52-661-612215
• Time for clothes washing at local Laundromat
• Group dinner

Wednesday 7 January:
• Sightseeing/free time – TBA; Group dinner; overnight Quinta Pacifica

Thursday 8 January:
• Sightseeing/free time – TBA; Group Dinner; overnight Quinta Pacifica

Friday 9 January:
• Check out and load luggage on van.
• 10:00am: leave for LA via factory outlets at San Ysidro
• Lunch at San Ysidro before continuing to LA
• Staying at Super 8, 415 West Katella Avenue, Anaheim, ph.0011-1-714-778-6900

Saturday 10 January:
• Free day – eg Disneyland/California Park; overnight Super 8

Sunday 11 January:
• Check out and load van
• Attend 11am service at Crystal Cathedral
• Lunch in the park followed by final group reflection.
• 3:20pm – leave Anaheim for LAX
• Arrive LAX 4:30pm for 7:30pm departure on Air NZ 5 for Auckland. (except me of course!)

I hope you have all had an excellent Christmas and that all of those involved in NCYC have a great time and get to really enjoy in and not just spend all their time making it enjoyable for others! I’ll be thinking of you all!
Not long till I’m home now… see you all on January 20th!
Laura

Less than 2 weeks left in Toronto!

Isn't it amazing- barely 2 weeks later and I've already updated again! I think I'm starting to realise how little time I have left here now, so I'm trying to fit everything in! The strike is still carrying on here with no signs of ending any time soon, so I'm now trying to madly do assignments and make agreements with lecturers about what I can do to make up for the exams and tests that I now won't be here for! Seems to be working out pretty well though, so hopefully it will all fall together in the end. Amidst that, I'm also trying to fit in everything I've been wanting to do in Toronto! Last night I went to see the National Ballet perform the Nutcracker, which was absolutely beautiful and I really enjoyed! Also very reminiscent of the video that we used watch of the Nutcracker every christmas at my grandparent house! Bringing back a bit of the old christmas tradition seeing as this christmas is certainly going to be very different to all of my other christmas'!
Went to Montreal last week, which was a really nice place, although very bizarre seeing as everyone around you was talking in French! I went with a friend that I met here at uni (who lives very near me at home!) so we stuck together and also adopted 2 other Australians that we met in our hostel room! It was a really social room, with 5 Aussies and 2 british girls! Definately one of my best hostel experiences (especially when I bought breakfast on the last morning and the server said bon apetite! I felt like I was in a very fancy french restaurant, rather than the basement of a hostel). It was a beautiful city though, and we got to see some fun stuff, including going into their biodome (a very big indoor ecosystem) where you were right there with the animals, and going up the lookout tower from the Montreal Olympics! I even found a Kombi and met his owner (only my third Kombi sighting since coming to Canada)!

We're now getting snow every few days, although it tends to melt in between snows. At the moment it is just really icy, so I'm waiting for my first fall over (that doesn't happen while sledding down hills). I'm sure it's going to happen any day now. I love the snow, but would love for it to get above 0 for more than 1 day! It's especially annoying as we have to walk off campus to catch the bus because of the strike, so it makes if a bit hard (and cold!) to get anywhere!
As I was walking through the city I was struck by the number of people around my looking for support. Within 200m there was a homeless man holding up a coffee cup and saying 'merry Christmas', a man selling a homeless and unemployed newspaper (sort of like the big issue magazine in Melbourne), a man busking with his guitar, a man handing out information onblack history and another homeless man who was not asking for anything, simply staring into space. How do we choose which of these people is worthy or deserving of our help or support? It is not possible to give each of these causes and people the help that they deserve, so what is our criteria for choosing what we think is worthy? Is it how clean they look, whether they are trying to help themselves, whether they have talent or represent a cause we can identify with?
When I was at the waiters union in Brisbane,we did a bit of an experiment. First, we got one of the older guys in the group to sit on the pavement on a Saturday night in the main entertainment area, with his shirt untucked and a garbage bag next to him, asking for money, and noone even looked at him. Then i went and started asking for money for the payphone and got $1.50 straight away. Then the other guys tucked in his shirt and started fiddling with his phone and asked a guy for some money to get home cause his wallet was stolen and that guy gave him about 4 bucks in change straight away!
I don't think that I have a point in all this, but if I do it would be that we actually think about what our criteria is, and if we are making the decisions we want to make. Is it just natural to go with the people who look like us and so who's choices for spending money we agree with, and who are just having a rough day? Is this who needs it most? None of these causes are wrong and if I was genuinely stranded somewhere I hope someone would give me change to call someone, or if I was in a tough place they would be willing to help me. We all ask for support for both ourselves and for other causes at different times. It just got me thinking about why we make these choices, and I think the thinking is a good thing. So put up a post if you can just sharing what might make your choices! If you don't have an account, just send me an email and I'm happy to post it!

So Many Things!!!

Wow, it really has been ages since I last posted! So much has been happening it's been hard to know when to do it! SO, I guess I will start sometime after October 7!
Even though American Thanksgiving is only just happening now, Canadian Thanksgiving actually happened on the second Monday in October. That weekend, I had 2 turkey dinners and one potluck dinner, so I certainly got my share of thanksgiving meals! Our Friday night bible study group (which has a very high percentage of asian students, and which tends to switch between engish lessons and faith discussion) served a turkey dinner, which was great. Because it was mainly international students, they talked about the history behind thanksgiving and what current traditions are, and for probably 80% of the people there, it was their first time eating Turkey! The couple (and their team) who organise these sessions are great and really went all out on that night. On the Monday following (actually Thanksgiving day) the organised a hike in the country along with another Turkey dinner. A retired couple who lived about an hour out of Toronto, just near a park, had contacted the organisers and said that because all of their children had left home, they wanted to cook for us! So 40 international students who they'd never met showed up at their house and they took us for a walk through the limestone park, told us all about how everything worked, and cooked as a huge thanksgiving meal- including a 20 pound (about 9kg) Turkey. They were so amazingly welcoming and just really opened up their house to us. It turned out they had also lived in Australia about 30 years ago, so that also gave us something to talk about. I just thought that what they did was amazing- they did not even take any money for feeding all 40 of us.
The following Monday, as many of you know, my parents arrived, which was great. After a bit of confusion about where to meet them in the airport, we finally found each other and managed to make it back to my room at York for a quick cup of tea (and an attempt to wake them up) before they headed off to Donna and Jim Robinsons house, which is about an hour west of where I am. I had 2 exams the next day and so I didn't see them until Wednesday when I gave them a little tour of Toronto, including going up the CN tower, which is a big lookout tour in Toronto (147 stories high, or 447m). I then spend the weekend at the Robisons with them, spending time seeing a bit of the country and learning a little bit about the Menonites. They are similar to the Amish, christians who live very simply and avoid the use of technology which may interfere with their community. Some of the families near Waterloo have no electricity on their farms and it is quite common to see horses and buggies on the road. All of this is to try and be more focused on God and community, and live as simply as possible. I found it really entertaining that what many now call the emerging church- living simply in community and caring for neighbours, is what these people have been doing for hundreds of years.
Mum and Dad then left to go and see friends in Ohio, and two days later Kaye arrived, just in time for Halloween and pumpkin carving! We had a fun but very busy weekend in Toronto, but my argument was that I was just helping her adjust to Canadian time by keeping her awake during the days! One of the things that we did that weekend was go to an event called Heavens Rehearsal, which was a worship service put on by all the churches in Toronto. It is apparently an annual event, and was in the Baseball Stadium, and had about 25000 come. The name came from the idea of just getting all of the nations together to worship, and they did a really great job of incorporating a variety of cultures, largely through some awesome dances and songs. They even had a group of Maoris there! There seems to be a great connection between the churches in Toronto, and they seem to organise lots of events like this, together, which I think is awesome.
On the following Tuesday Mum and Dad arrived back (election day in the US) and we headed off doing a big curcuit through Ontario up to Algonquin Park (looking very different now that all the leaves were on the ground), over to Ottawa and down past the 1000 islands. It was really great to get out of the city a bit and see some more countryside!
We arrived back at Waterloo on the Saturday, just in time for Donna to have 32 people over on Sunday for a Turkey Dinner (a bit of a late thanksgiving). SO good to have a bit of a break from my takeout diet here at campus and get some homecooked meals! About this time, the teaching assistants at York decided that they were going to go on Strike, so York cancelled all classes. This worked really well because it meant that I could continue to spend time with family while they were here, rather than making trips back to York everytime I had class!We made a little expedition out the the Robinsons Maple farm (run by Jims brother) which was really fun to see how the make it, and we also got to play with some very cute barn kittens and got a decent amount of snow! That following week we travelled down to Niagara Falls, which were beautiful, although I don't think I could take living near them simply because it is always raining! We stayed in a great hotel with a view right over the falls, and between 4 cameras we managed to take 700 photos on those 2 days! A little scary, but it was just so pretty! We got back to York on Thursday night and I made a final attempt to show Kaye some Canadian wildlife on campus, but all we could find was a cat, so she had to be content with that! You can often find ground hogs and racoons on campus, but they seemed to be hiding that night! So she headed off the next morning and then we spent Mum and Dads final weekend here driving with Donna and Jim up to see some of the great lakes and lots of different kinds of power plants and farms, which Dad and Jim got very excited about! Then Mum and Dad headed over to England, and I came back to York! 4 weeks after the strike started, it is still continueing, although the university is actually meant to meet with the union today, which is a positive step! Until this point they have been communicating through a mediator, so we will see how it goes! If it continues much longer I will need to start doing alternative work because i won't be here for tests and exams at the end of semester! All the lecturers have been really helpful though, so hopefully I will be able to work something out!

So lifes pretty relaxed at the moment... no work, no class, very few obligations! It's giving us more time to see Toronto though, and possibly travel, as well as say goodbye to people as many are leaving now! It's snowing every few days, which we gegt excited about, but it only snowed enough to stay on the ground once, although we had some good snowball fights that night! Campus is very deserted and about 70% of the people who live here have actually gone home! It's a bit rough on the restaurant owners cause they're loosing so much money, and a lot of them are immigrants who have started a family restaurant, and they all work there. The most frustrating part is having no idea when the strike will end and hence what work I should be doing, and if I can leave and go somewhere! It's nice to have time to explore here though, and start on my scrapbooking!
Hard to believe I am leaving York in about 4 weeks and will be home in less than 2 months! Love to hear updates from you all!
Laura

Algonquin Park

Well, I’m currently staying in a small cabin in Algonquin Park, a National Park a few hours North of Toronto. Although, by the time I have internet to post this, I will be back in my room. But before returning to the cabin this evening, I spent about half an hour lying in a hammock, looking through the pine trees at the stars. It’s beautiful country up here, we are just by a lake (with unlimited use of canoes and kayaks!) and we are just coming into Fall, so all of the leaves are beginning to change colour and it all looks beautiful. We had a little drama earlier this evening when one of the other cabins decided that it would be a smart idea to leave some wood drying on top of a wood fire heater in their room, while they all had dinner in our cabin. Just in time, one of the other girls went out to grab a jumper and saw that there was a strange light on in the other cabin. By the time we got there, there was so much smoke you couldn’t see a metre in front of you, and couldn’t stay in there for more than a few moments. Fortunately the fire was still on top of the stove, but was pretty close to the roof, so a few more minutes and it may have taken us more than a bucket of water to get it out! It was way too much drama, especially when some of the girls decided they needed to run in and get their stuff, so I just ended up blocking the doorway, cause they wouldn’t have been able to make it through the smoke! It was a close call, but way too much drama, and the retelling of it didn’t stop for the rest of the weekend!
As some of you know, looking at the stars is one of my favourite activities, and I often find that I connect with God far more through this than most church services. I watched a dvd last week called ‘Finger of God’, and one of the lines in it that really stood out to me was “your god is only as big as your head”. I really liked that idea, as I’ve recently been thinking about all of the different interpretations of God that we have, and how one God can be treated in so many different ways. And it struck me tonight that all of the people I encountered while I was travelling had put up walls in their head, or boxed god into what they could imagine, perceive, or fit into their lives. We try and come up with reasons and arguments and explanations for things, whether it be evolution and creation, miracles, or satan and hell, and often spend time trying to convince others that our theories are the correct ones. But lying, looking at the stars tonight, that didn’t seem to work for me because the thing that I love about these kind of situations is that there are no walls in the sky. Even the trees that were around us, you could still see through them to the stars, and those stars are so infinite, that I can’t begin to grasp them. So maybe there are no answers. Maybe our explanations are simply what we use to justify the walls in our mind, simplify our lives by eliminating the questions, and maybe that’s why I’m here- to stretch my mind and learn that even if I am better at or more comfortable with one particular area, God still exists outside of that spot and it is only through stretching our minds that we can begin to grasp the magnitude and complexity of God. I don’t know.

Life in Toronto

Well, after many weeks of being slack, I am finally writing another blog entry! I don't really know where to start, but I think it's safe to say that I am now loving my room, and pretty much know my way around campus (or at least how to get to my classes), and am starting to work out my way around Toronto. I only have classes on 3 days, so I have plenty of time for exploration and adventures! There seems to be lots of little cultural areas in Toronto, my favourite definitely being Kensington Market, which described as 'bohemian', but is full of little stores of local designers, many of whom use all recycled materials or fair trade resources. And the best part is that there is a whole street dedicated to Vintage Clothing stores- so basically the best of op shops! So many amazing things, although it makes me miss my sewing machine, cause there are just so many fun projects there!
Having said that, I think I probably have enough projects happening at the moment... I've started my scrapbook of my travelling, got back into my knitting, and decided that it is time for me to work on my hand-sewing ability! Fortunately I don't seem to have a heavy load of work for my classes, but I am really enjoying the classes here, and the lecturers are all great. So that is all lots of lots of fun.
You'll be pleased to know that I've also finally found a spectator sport that I love- Baseball! So in the last week I've been twice, first to see the Toronto Blue Jays play the Red Sox, and then to see them play the Yankees! The first game I couldn't choose who to go for (how do i decide between Toronto and Boston?), but the Red Sox won in the last innings, and the I went for the Blue Jays and that was a great game because there were a lot more hits and getting on base (even a home run!) and the Bue Jays won 8-2! But now the season is over, so I'll go back to not watching sport...
Also joined up with a couple of christian groups on campus that I like- one being a bible study/ discussion group, and one a 'coffee house' designed especially for international students. The bible study is a really relaxed group, and we will be working our way through John, but I really like the setup of the group. We get given the reading and spend some time going through it individually, coming up with any questions or significant parts to it, and then discuss the questions as a group and see what we can come up with. Just nice, logical exploration and trying to find the meanings. The other group meets at a local church to have dinner together and have some more general guided discussion, which is nice but occasionally frustrating as many in the group have limited english, and so the discussions often switch between english and chinese, which prevents very deep discussion. They are having a camp over christmas however, which could be really good fun.
My really exciting news is that I am now definitely going back to Mexico in January, before I come home! How? Well it was kind of crazy, but when I was leaving the Amor office at the end of my last trip, I got introduced to someone in the office as 'The Australian', and she got all excited because because they were having a group coming from Australia at christmas! So I enquired if she knew who they were, and she mentioned that she thought they were a Uniting Church? So I asked where from, and she thought it was the overall office for the Sydney area (I'm like, yep, know who that would be), and that it might be called the Moderators trip? So I looked it up, and sure enough, NSW Synod had organised an all age trip! I contacted them and it's all just worked amazingly from there. Even though they had already filled all of there places, they've made adjustments to fit me in, which is sooo exciting! So that will be from the 29th of December to the 11th of January (which includes 5 days building in Tijuana, 2 days in Rosarita, 2 days in LA (Disneyland!) and attending church services in LA and Tijuana), leaving me with a week to fill in LA area before I head home!
It's been great having Arwyn here, having lots of awesome conversations with her about different things, and keeping ourselves entertained, so that's good. Going away with some of the other international students next weekend to a national park, which will also be good. It's great here- they don't just have christian holidays, but also Jewish and other holidays at Uni, which I think is awesome. And not just cause I get days off.
Anyway, hope everyone's doing well, missing you all and loving when I get calls or emails, so keep them coming!
Laura

Finally at York!

Well, after a not so direct route that took 2 months, I have finally arrived at York University in Toronto, which is very exciting! I've now moved into my room and settled in, and am now capable of making it to a few key spots on campus without getting lost, and I believe I've found the shortest route. The challenge of finding classrooms starts tomorrow, so that will be a test!
My room is small but cosy, and I'm slowly making it change from a small white room with boring furniture to something that looks a little more me- esque, which has been lots of fun. My apartment is made up of 2 identical bedrooms, a bathroom, and a gigantic closet, but currently the other room is still empty, so I don't know if I will end up sharing or having it all to myself! My building is largely made up of young families or couples, so I'm definately lacking in some of the social life that some of the other buildings have, but I can at least get to sleep without having to worry about whether there is a party in my building! Arwyn (my friend from uni) and I have had several shopping outing to different places around, have fallen in love with Walmart, started to explore the city, and begun to make friends. There have been (and will continue to be) several outings arranged for international students, which has helped us get to know other students going through the same problems as us, and also let there be a few familiar faces around campus, which has been good fun.
It's definitely been a bit of a challenge changing pace as I settle in here. At first it was very hard to just spend an afternoon or an evening relaxing in my room, but I'm slowly getting used to the idea that I will be here more than 3 days and so I don't have to see it all straight away! The other thing that has been interesting is adjusting to being around the same people regularly, and knowing that I do actually need to make friends with these people! In the hostels, I was really kind of enjoying not having to worry about building substantial relationships, as one of us would most likely be leaving the next day! I'm sure that once we get to know each other more I will enjoy being around them much more, but the getting to know each other and awkward conversations are taking some getting used to! It's been great having Arwyn here though, to see someone who I know and be able to talk through some of the challenges of both my travels and settling in here!
It's good fun being on campus though, and being able to join up with different sports and groups (except there are so many! At least 8 different christian groups alone! eek!), so I'm really looking forward to them starting up and getting involved and meeting more people! Just in case people were wondering, I'm thinking I will continue to blog while I'm here, not just about what I'm doing here, but also some thoughts that I have as I try and work out what I think of my experiences so far, and where I may want to take them from here. I also have some phone numbers that people can (PLEASE) call me on, cause I'd love to chat to you all and it totally makes my day when someone calls cause I feel like I'm not forgotten yet! My room number (probably the best one to chat on cause it's cheaper for both of us and I'm more likely to be doing nothing) is 0011-1-416-650-4311, but if you really want to talk to me and I'm not picking up, call my mobile on 0011-1-647-377-4251! Just no 4 am calls please :P I'm 14 hours behind you!
Hope all are doing well, and I hope to be a little more contactable once I finally get my internet set up in my room!
Laura

My Last Day of Travelling

Well, it is now my last night in a Hostel for some time, and it's both a positive and a negative thing. While I have absolutely loved the last 2 months, and have learnt so much, I'm also a little relieved that I will no longer have to try and sneak into the dorm in the dark and get ready for bed silently, share the room with people I don't know, start every conversation tentatively in case the other person doesn't speak english, or worry about half dressed girls I don't know in my dorm. I have to say, I am also over the squeezing everything into my pack every 3 or 4 days! So I'm really looking forward to setting up in my dorm at York, and being able to spread out a little and give the space a bit of Laura personality!
The last week has been great fun, exploring both Washington and New York. I have to say, it took me a while to find any life in the evenings (or even an open food selling place!), but I eventually worked out where things were a little and where I wanted to go or not go. The amount of homeless there was again shocking- not in the scary way that some of the neighbourhoods in San Fran or LA had, but in a more strategic way- it was impossible to enter any McDonalds without being asked for money by at least one person, and there were several homeless on each street, throughout the whole city, rather than condensed into some areas. I think the thing for me that was most challenging was that I didn't feel comfortable dealing with any of them on my own- I was a little concerned that if I gave money to one person, or bought them a meal, the 10 others that were watching would then come up to me also. I think the whole thing kind of accented the need for community and group work when dealing with these situations, because I just didn't feel that I could help, where as in LA, at the Dream Center, I was more comfortable in poorer areas because I was there as part of a team, and knew that there was support there with me. I didn't feel threatened in Washington, more frustrated that I felt unable to help.
Other than that, it was a fun place to be. I went and way lots of memorials, and big white stone buildings with pillars out the front that have important things in them, saw Dad (or Abe Lincoln) in lots of places- he was really popular! My fun activity there was going to the 'International Spy Museum'. A little silly, and could certainly make you very paranoid about anyone sitting on a park bench, carrying a suitcase or looking out the window, but lots of fun. They believed there were 10000 spies in Washington. There were lots of factual things in the museum, and Washington would definately be a good place to spy if you were going to spy, so you never know. Maybe it's better if we just don't think about those things!
New York has been lots of fun. Not so many homeless around, and I've generally felt much safer, but still the occasional person asking for money! One woman asked me for one dollar as I got $200 out of an ATM- almost all of which was so that I could check into the Hostel. Again it was one of those strategic asks, which made me feel terrible, but couldn't do much. It's been fun wandering around looking at all the different areas and seeing the different subcultures- and very difficult not letting myself start shopping for things I will need in Canada! Almost all of the unique areas are based around little (or big) areas of shops, and there has been a great range of little, unique shops as well as some of the larger chains. I still enjoy looking around at all the different brands, styles and types of products that are available here, so that's been fun. My highlight was definately when I managed to get student tickets (bought 2 hours before the show for a quarter of the price) with another girl from the hostel to the Broadway production of Zanadu, which had Whoopi Goldberg in it for only about a month, which was very exciting! It was a really fun musical, which made are really good night out!
I finally have an address for York, so all the birthday invites and letters and care packages I know you've all been dying to send can now come (hehe). Send them to:
Laura Morgan
Room 632, 90 Atkinson Road
4700 Keele Street
Toronto, ON M3J 2S5
Canada
Moving in on Sunday, helped by the Robinsons, which will be fun!
Missing you all lots, and hope people are haveing a great time at camp this weekend!
Laura

Dream Center and Beyond

Well, it has been a little while since I've blogged, and I have to admit that I have been procrastinating for several days now, but I am now determined to bring you all up to date!
The Dream Center, where I was from the 7th-10th, was a surprisingly positive experience. I went into it a little apprehensive, because I had heard some interesting stories (anyone who doesn't know what I'm talking about, ask Alanee about the Dream Center) about the approaches that they took in attempts to bring people to christ- in short, what I like to call 'Bible Bashing'. I found though, that while their main focus was to get people to church and change their lives (which is after all the great commandment), they were also doing several other really positive things. I always feel a little conflicted in this area, because I'm really not sure that we should be going around convincing people to abandon their beliefs in other religions, telling them that their lives will be great if they just believe in God, and I have seen this approach take people further away from believing in God, yet the Bible pretty clearly tells us to tell everyone about God and make more followers. Hence me loving things such as the Kombi Krew, where we focus on creating positive relationships where people may feel comfortable considering new ideas. The Dream Center focused much more on telling people about God- praying for them, inviting them to church etc. While doing this however, they were handing out groceries in poorer neighbourhoods, giving out water and energy bars on Skid Row, or serving a hot lunch in a shelter. And most people didn't shy away from people bringing up god- in fact, many of them loved to share their experiences, or interpretations of the bible (some of which probably wouldn't be taught in Bible College), and were really keen to be prayed with and share their problems. It always amazes me what strong faith many homeless have, despite terrible things that happen to me. I met one woman who had just had her 83rd birthday, and when I tried to congratulate her, she refused, saying that it was thanks to God, she had done nothing. This woman was homeless, on her own and wearing a hard hat, and yet she still believed that God was so good.
One of the other focuses was to invite people to church. Because many people did not have transport, they sent out buses to a wide range of different areas in LA to pick people up and take them to church, and then gave them free pizza on the way home (is bribery a sin?). The services were quite flashy, and very much about how celebrating that we were save because of Jesus etc, but that was really what these people needed to hear. It was very different to many styles of worship, but it was well aimed at the people that needed it, and it engaged them and kept them interested, which seemed to me to be a positive thing. Overall, it was an interesting few days because it was so different to how I would think to do things, but at the same time what they were doing was really great, and they were really appreciated in the community. Someone said to me, the way to tell if a church is successful is to think that if it closed one day, would the neighbourhood notice? They really would have noticed if the Dream Center closed, because they were so visible in so many productive ways. Some people didn't want to know, but others recieved us really positively.
After that, I flew up to New York for 2 nights, and have spent the last 3 night in Philadelphia with my second cousin. I think one of the most amazing things about my trip has been the hospitality that I've recieved from people who barely know me, but are happy to look after me and show me around because they knew my parents or are related to me or got an email from a girl they had never heard of expressing interest in what they're doing. It's been really great to have these days in Philadelphia, to just really relax and get some energy back, as well as get shown around. I can't believe in just over a week I will be in Toronto and my travelling will be over for now! It's been absolutely amazing, but I am a little sick of packing and unpacking my bag every few days, and it will be good to settle in at York and make some longer term friends!
Hope you are all doing well, and I'm still working through the letters you all wrote, but I love reading them and it's a great way to feel loved when I need it! Thank you!
Laura

Mexico

Mexico was absolutely amazing. Definately my favourite visit so far. To start at the start, I got up early on the first day (Saturday) and went to Amor Ministeries, where 10 of us piled into 4WD's and drove about 45 minutes into Tijuana, Mexico. I was the youngest in the group except for a 10 year old daughter who came along too, and over the next 3 days we build the frame, wired and papered the walls, and then covered them with concrete, of a 2 room house for them to live in. The family consisted of the Grandmother, 2 parents (who had been married since she was 15 and he was 17), a 6 year old girl, 4 year old girl and a 2 year old son. The total weekly income for the family is $80, and they all sleep in one bed, in what was a leaking, insecure house. If that's not enough, the younger girl had a small tumor on her back, which required her to have 3 doctors, and took almost all of their income. Because of theft, they have barbed wire fences right around their property, and use a drop dunny which is not the cleanest I have ever seen! Drugs are also a big problem in this area, and most of the people around them were living in similar conditions.

Despite all of this, they were one of the happiest, most welcoming families that I have ever encountered, and there is something about their appreciation for what they have and the simplicity of there needs that was just beatiful, and I think can teach us a lot about what is important in our lives, and the values that we have. On the first day that we were there, the 2 girls went and put on their best dresses and danced around for us- and they were more proud of those dresses (which were lovely but would not be considered exceptional by western standards) than any child with and new toy. Because that was what they had to share with us- their favourite dresses- and they loved doing it.
The language barrier was a bit of a challenge for me, but there were moments when it just did not matter. Like when we first put the door in place, the older girl looked up and her face just lit up. There were no solid walls around the door, but there was now a door and she was so excited. It would have been great to be able to talk to the children, but it also made me a little more aware of how isolated people can feel when trying to communicate to people who don't speak their language.

Overall, it was a magical few days, and I loved the approach that Amor took. They did not choose the families themselves, but worked through local pastors who found families in need. This allowed them to reach out into the community, and one of the Pastors said that 60% of his congregation were there because they had had houses build for the by Amor. They were also not looking for praise or gratitude, but rather just said that this house was from God, and left it at that. We also had a dedication service for the family before we left, where we read the same prayer in Spanish and English, and then gave the family several gifts of things that would help them. Although the outside was complete, the inside was left fairly bare and needing work, as this encourages them to put in some work themselves and really take ownership of the house (although our family helped enthusiastically throughout the build). Overall, a wonderfull experience!

Unexpected adventure in Santa Monica

Well, it feels like it's been a long time since I've blogged, even though I guess it's not really! I'm back in a hostel in San Diego after spending 3 days Mexico building a house, which I absolutely loved and didn't want to leave! Before I talk about that though I have to talk about the rest of my time in LA/ Santa Monica!
So as you may know, I had planned a couple of days break in Santa Monica before I headed down to Mexico, to get back a bit of energy, be a tourist, all that kind of stuff. Apparently not meant to be. On my first night in Santa Monica, I came across another mission group, and decided that I wanted to know what they were on about. Basically, they are a group that live together and work together and are working to offer education to christians about some alternative views and interpretations of the bible through a series of DVD lectures, followed by a discussion with one of the team members (each person usually stays with the same person throughout all of the lectures. They're also aiming to use the media to portray a more positive image of christianity, and finding and promoting common ideals and goals that christians share with other religions. The people that work there also live together in the same house (about 11 people). I spent 1 day in their office, and only got through 3 dvd lectures (I think because I kept going off topic and asking their opinions on other things during the discussion), but I'll list what I think they were trying to tell me.
- Evil is what stops us from fully commiting to christian life and dedicating all of our time to mission (eg work, other social priorities)
- To understand our purpose, we must first understand the nature of god, which allows us to understand our relationship with god, which allows us to understand our position in the universe, which helps us understand our purpose.
- A perfected being is one whose mind is focused on god and our body is acting that out. When this happens, our formation is complete.
- When we are alive, we are in both the spiritual world and the physical world. When we die, we leave the physical world and are only in the spiritual world. There, we do not have our bodies to hide behind and so everything is out in the open and we cannot hide who we truly are or what we think/ want.
- The original human fall was not a literal fruit, but a spiritual fruit, and the sin was actually Eve commiting an impure sexual act with the fallen angel Lucifer. Eve was striving to understand the power of the parental love that God has for us, and then understood that Adam was actually her intended partner and so went to him. Because of this, the reason that we have sin in our lives is because we are children of Satan, not God.
This lase one seemed to be their most important point, and they clearly wanted me to agree with it. However, they could not tell me who had come up with this theory, and when I read the passage later there were a few things that didn't make sense to me, but they were very passionate about it! Basically, they believed that Gods kingdom would come with perfected beings (centred on God) reached maturity and got married and had God centred families. That's apparently what God wants us to do.
It was interesting, and a lot of their basic views and ideals were really good, but some I disagreed with a bit. I did really like how they took the time to discuss each section with people after they watched the lecture, and they then offered mission opportunities to people after they had worked through all of the DVD's, which was cool. I think they thought I wasn't God centred though, because I wouldn't come back the next day because I wanted to at least get some touristing in while I was there! So I went and saw the Hollywood sign and the Chinese theatre and the hands in the ground, and the stars with peoples names (found John Howard and Bob Hawk!), and nearly saw Mariah Carey (they were setting up for her concert), and wandered around LA, saw Little Mexico, all that. It was a fun day, but to be honest I didn't think it was really worth all the hype that it gets being LA.
I was going to write about Mexico now, but I think I'll let this one have it's own write up and be back (hopefully tomorrow night!) with all my Mexico fun!
Laura

It's been a while....

Hello!
It's been quite some time since I've blogged, which is partly my fault and partly not! I did write up quite a lengthy summary but then it disappeared before I could post it and I wanted to go to bed and figured I would have a few days here in LA to blog without too much happening... woops! And then of course the computers in the hostel weren't working, and a lot happened, so now I have to try and get it all in before the money runs out!
Camp was overall a really positive experience, and it was really hard to leave! They had a great sense of community there, and even though all the staff had different backgrounds and were there for different reasons, they were all working to create an amazing week for the campers, and they did! The last week, with middle schoolers was challenging because the majority were boys and it bucketed rain nearly the whole week, but it meant that we had a chance to be creative in coming up with activities that they could do indoors which would keep them entertained. The week did make me miss my small group though- they are a lot less girly and a lot more grounded (and funny!) than the girls that I had in my cabin! They did call me during their small group though, which was very exciting! Overall, really positive, and I'd love to go back to the center some time, and will definately try to keep in touch with many of the staff!
The bus ride back to Boston was quite eventful- I met Santa! The man in front of me started talking to me- he was a proffesional Santa, and he had the beard to go with it. His only complaint was that he had brown eyes not blue- I think he really felt that that had held him back in his career! He was a funny man, and made up poetry for me all the way to Boston, and then showed me where to go when got into the city to find the Subway! Very entertaining man! Told me about how you can 'call santa' and he gets calls all year round- including ones like 'can you stop my dad hitting my mum?' I never really thought about any of that stuff, but it sounded kinda cool!
Boston was once again great, and this time I got to catch up with my friend Eva from when I lived in Boston. I had stayed with her parents last time, but she had been away. We still got on really well and went into Harvard Square for a day and found lots to talk about, which was really good. It's funny- some of my best conversations about God and what I'm doing have happened during times I thought would be a bit of a break for me!
It was also interesting at both the Horton Center and in Boston to notice that a lot of people really shy away from public displays of religion, through things like grace. It's almost like there are 2 kinds of christians that I've come accross- those who are really out there and sharing their faith every chance they get (and what can sometimes be the 'scary christians') and those who have been scared off by those people to the point that they don't want to display things like public graces, even though they work in a church soup kitchen weekly. And then there's a few standing in the middle looking at both sides like their crazy and have really changed what christianity was originally intended to be! (maybe Shane Clairborne?)
It's really interesting the amount of cultural differences that I really have started to notice here, and that have surprised me, given that I'm currently in the worlds superpower. Things like the number of homeless on the street, the condition of the roads, which are far below ours, the amount of panic and discussion that there is about petrol prices, and global warming. It's like they've suddenly hit the point when they've all realised that something needs to change, and it's all they can talk about. Particularly in coming here to LA, I've just notice that it's not that nice. In terms of a lot of the streets and buildings, I feel like I'm in an old country town. It doesn't really seem like I'm in one of the most culturally influential cities in the world!
I am really feeling a lot more confident with my travelling though- coming here I was quite relaxed and felt fine about taking a bus to the Hostel- which is good! Hopefully that will continue to build. The flight here was great- beautiful views the whole way and so I took lots of photos! Really pretty colours in a lot of the land.
Have had some more adventures since getting to LA, but will make you wait in suspense for them- I need some time to get my brain straight! It has been really fun and interesting though, so no need to worry!
Keep the calls and update emails coming, I appreciate them sooo much!
Laura

Life in the White Mountains Part 2

Ok, so I realised after I posted the last message that I was really tired and actually put up very little detail or exciting information, so I'm adding a little now. Highlights for the last week and a half-
*Seeing all kinds of crazy animals including moose, chipmunks, and a baby brown bear!
*The evening chapel services that take place on a rock at the top of the mountain, and that are always so peaceful. On the way up, the leaders 'line the trail' which means that we spread out along the walk and hug all of the campers on the way up to the top. It just builds such an amazing sense of community and brings a real sense of peace into the services.
*Singing during the services- just really peaceful, accompanied by just a guitar, andsining out of the camp songbook.
*Shalom circle- right before bed, everyone in the camp makes a circle and we sing Shalom to each other in a variety of languages before bed.
*Getting to know the campers in my cabin
*Spending a night out on a rock shelf- it was a clear, bright night, and it was amazing just lieing looking at the stars all night!
*Wide Games (what more do I need to say?)
*Swimming in a water hole beneath the waterfall, even if the water was freezing cold- I was hot after our hike anyway!

Life in the White Mountains

Hello again!
It's been a little while since I have updated here, but I certainly have a lot less say in what I do when while I am here! I am really enjoying it however, and have a little more time this week as we have no campers at the camp, and so are spending most of the time doing training or group building activities. These don't just include initiative activities, but also going to the movies, which is fun! It's been great getting to know the group, and just relaxing with people my age. Last week was the real highlight for me though, with about 50 campers from years 9-12, basically participating in youth group activities, which has given me lots of ideas for youth groups when I get back! I took a more laid back approach, and tended to not lead many activities, because I was really interested in what kinds of activities and discussions the leaders here took. I'm looking forward to doing a little more leading next week however, and putting an Aussie spin on it all! I think the camp's also going through an interesting time in terms of leadership- the coordinator here only began last year, and has changed several things about the camp and the program. Because many of the staff or campers have been coming here for up to 11 years, this has caused a bit of upset, but it's been really interesting for me to play spectator to how that plays out, but also how the problems are worked through and dealt with. Not really what I was expecting when I came here, but still a great learning curve for me.
Again, I'd love to chat to some of you and I do have more time this week, so please let me know if you want to call! Call cards are cheap! 14 hours behind you though, so either morning or late evening please!
Hope everyone's doing well, I'll talk to you all soon!
Laura

Horton Center

Hey Everyone!
I'm now finally settled in at the Horton Center, it's absolutely beautiful up here, and the kids are really great. It's really cool- there's all these little cabins around the place, and I really like the approach everyone here is taking. Still kind of working out what I'm meant to be doing, and not getting to do as much canoeing/ rockclimbing as I would have liked, but lots of activities and running around playing fun games, so all is good. I'm now known as 'The Australian' and I keep getting blank looks when I say some things, but I'm slowly learning. The other real negative is that it seems that the LGBT family camp that was going to be happening probably won't, because there hasn't been much response. So not sure what will be happening around here next week, but hopefully we'll do something good!
Calls are really welcome, just text me before hand to tell me when you are going to call so I can keep my phone with me. I'm 14 hours behind here, so the best times to call are probably your 10:30/11 at night or 12/2 lunchtimeish. Some normal voices would be good!
Don't forget to email me and update me on what's happening in your lives! I love that you're commenting on mine, but I want to keep updated on yours too!
Laura

Leaving Boston

Hi everyone,
A much smaller note than the last one, just spent today wandering around Boston, seeing all the places I used to go when I was 7. It's been really cool, and I've taken lots of photos but haven't worked out how to post them yet so that might not happen for a while. Off to the camp tomorrow and have not idea what reception and email access will be like from up there but I will let you know when I know!
Hope everyone at home is doing well! Missing you all!
Laura

Back in the Hostel!

Thank you so much to all the people who emailed me and posted comments! It's very exciting for me when I log and find out that I haven't been forgotten yet! The last couple of days have been very interesting, and i'm not quite sure what I think yet, so if I contradict myself or ramble you'll have to forgive me! Firstly though, I now have a mobile so I am contactable! The number to use is +14155686478, and for all those on 3, it should be in your cap! Although it does cost me 35 cents to recieve it, and we could talk for 3 minutes for that if you go and buy one of those fabulous call cards! Soo... go buy one!
Anyway, San Francisco Rescue mission is located in the Tenderloin district, which has about 25000 people living within the one square mile, and has the highest crime rate in SF. There's a lot of black americans, and it's the kind of thing you see in a movie. Basically, you hold you're bag really tight and stare at the ground when you walk through, and I heard something about a shooting happening there today...
So the rescue mission has a couple of focuses. They have started a school, which was the first one in the district. I think this was my favourite, or least controvertial, mission, the school just seemed to have a really nice vibe. The teachers all lived in community in the main building, and they just really seemed to care about their students. It's a very small school (less than 40 kids) but they hope to grow to over 100 when they finish renovating the building. Pretty sure the teachers don't get paid or anything, and they gave the kids goodbye hugs and things like that. It just had the feel of being a really nice community,a nd the older kids helped out the little ones a lot and stuff. Just a really awesome thing.
The other mission where I spent a lot of my time was the rescue mission.I wasn't really sure what that was before I went, but basically it's a combination between a soup kitchen and a church. They have trolleys full of stuff donated to them everyday, and a lot of this seemed to be delivered to houses, and handed out and stuff, but they also served a lunch and hot dinner everyday. The only catch is that if you wanted food, you had to sit through a half hour service first, and they actually locked the door to stop people sneaking in and getting food without going to the service. Not really sure what I think about this, but it was very clear from the start that they were there to 'save' people and bring them to christ. So I guess bribing them to listen to you talk about god could work, but I didn't really like that they turned away one guy because he was 10 minutes late, and I don't really get why only christians should be given food. The centre wasn't open at any times other than the morning and afternoon services and the bible study, which I thought was a bit sad, because there didn't seem to be many conversations happening. They all sat in rows in the pews and ate their food silently, and the volunteers just kind of gave the food to them and they passed it down the line and noone really talked to anyone. If you look at the sf911 website, I think you can find a picture of it somewhere. I think I just missed the community feel that they had at Credo Cafe at Urban Seed in Melbourne, where everyone, even the volunteers eat together around the table. They also have prayers before these meals but you don't have to come to them. At the same time, what they were doing was really great, I just would have like to see a bit more community built, both between the helpers and the visitors.
I think the most entertaining part was talking to the people who worked there, both about the bible and politics/ american views. One of the Pastors in particular, talked a lot about the war, and his view (i thought) was kind of odd. He took the view that after 9/11, america's lifestyle was under threat, and so they had right to defend that. I asked about Iraq's culture, and he thought it hadn't really changed and if it meant that in 3 generations Iraqis were being brought up with christian values, it would make all of the suffering worth it. After all, people suffered when we went to war with Germany, but it was for the greater good eventually. Post any thoughts that you have on this, see if we can get a discussion happening! At what point is it ok to kill a person or culture? Is it ever! I'd love to hear some non-american thoughts on it!
There was also a 'gentlemans club' next door to the mission, and so I asked if they were doing any mission regarding that. The first response was that they prayed (which was always the typical american rant styly prayer, with every third work lord or god), and that they had been desperately praying for the owner, and that something would happen to make him stop, and a week later he had a heart attack and died. And apparently that was a good thing, even though another owner just took over. But the guy seemed to think this was quite an achievement!
So it was a very interesting 2 days, but among all of those bizarre things, there were a lot of cool things. It was a really relaxed, open, close community, not particularly focused on living simply, but about helping each other to live christianly. They had so much faith that god would provide for them, and they certainly had lots of food! Really different to anything I've seen in Australia, but they were doing cool stuff.
Let me know any thoughts you have on all of that, if you agree of disagree with any of my opinions, or want to know more. Sorry this has been so long!
Just went for another walk this arvo, and I mentally bought presents for all of you! Unfortunately, they won't fit in my bags so they had to stay in the shops but I kept finding things that made me think of different people. Heading off to Boston first thing tomorrow morning- it's going to be awesome going back!
Hope everyone's well and keep up the emailing/repling/texting!
Laura

San Fran, Day 1

Well, all of you romantic obsessed people will be glad to know I picked up on my first half day here! That's right, his name is Gary, he thinks I'm very pretty, and he's sure his mother will like me. Unfortunately, he's also over 50, homeless, wanted in 8 states, not allowed into canada, missing his exgirlfriend, and an alcoholic, so I'm not sure how long it will last...
Any way, I left melbourne this morning (kind of) and had a terrible flight to sydney. Turbulance and an insanely annoying beeping sound that went for half the trip that they wouldn't work out made it not so fun, and I also discovered that I get travel sick in planes as well as cars! I thought maybe it was just the turbulance, but when we were coming in to land in San Francisco I discovered it was just me, because the second flight was very smooth, although very long. Since then though, my diet has improved when I walked into a convenience store and found hershey's and reese's and all sorts of other fabulous things! I totally forgot about them until I walked into the store, so it was a very nice surprise!
Anyway, I'm jumping all over the place! I finally got to San Fran, having had several nice people next to me on the long flight who were keen to talk, and having got a little sleep, and found the train that took me to where I needed to go without any hastle. I showed up at the hostel about 130, but they told me I couldn't check in until 2, so I lugged all my stuff off again and went and found a park to sit in, which is where Gary came over and introduced himself to me. It was quite an entertaining conversation, although I think he felt a little threatened by all the gays here- I gather they had a big event last weekend, and he was feeling pressured by them to become gay. There does seem to be a large gay scene here though; there are lots of ads around, and I picked up a newspaper in the hostel and then discovered that it was all about the gay community. They have also recently allowed gay marriages, so that could be part of it.
Once I got checked in, I went for a wander, off to find the shoe shop that Al loves. Took me about an hour to get there, and when I got there found it was under a different name, although still has very cool shoes, and when I asked if the owner brock was still there I got brushed off and ignored after that, so it seems it is no longer what you had dreamed al- sorry! It was in a great street though, with lots of little creative and unique shops, so I really enjoyed the walk! I then went back through the center of the town to the Bay Bridge and some of the wharves, so all in all about 5 hours of walking, and now my legs hurt!
It seems like a great city though, with so much culture and diversity, and LOTS of homeless people around who love to just come up and chat to you. Really enjoying it. I think the strangest thing has been the pedestrian crossings- they change without making a ticking noise, so I keep standing on the corner and missing half the crossing time! It's so cool though, because when they do go to the red flashing man, they have a countdown, so you know how many seconds you have to get across! I thought that was funny. The next few days should be interesting with the rescue mission- I saw a few people holding "Jesus Loves you" and "Stop unlawful sex" signs that I'm a little scared will be them, but I know that I'm starting off tomorrow in their soup kitchen which should be fun!
Hope everyone's doing well, and anyone else who's been to San Fran should post a comment about what they thought!
Laura
PS I had the most beautiful nectarine today- I love summer!

How to contact me!

Hi All!
Lot's of people are asking me about whether they can write to me and stuff, but I don't exactly have a regular address! While I'm at the Horton Center, you can use the below address! Just remember that it takes 5 days to get there, and needs $1.80 of stamps on it!
Laura Morgan
Horton Center
PO BOX J
Gorham, New Hampshire, 03581
USA
Other than that, emailing, facebooking and blogging are best until I get to Canada and find out where I'm living! Then I'll let you know! I'm getting a mobile when I get there too, so I'll let you all know my number and you can call (1/2 cent a minute call cards!)/text me on that! Just don't forget the time difference when you call me...

1 week, 3 days till I leave!

Hi all!
Thanks for coming to see what I'm up to! I'll be heading off on the 1st of July, and so I'll be trying to update as much as I can after that to share my journey and experiences with everyone!
This is an outline of what I'll be doing while I'm away (as much as I know at this point!):
1st July- Leave Melbourne for San Francisco
2nd-3rd July- San Francisco Rescue Mission (www.sf911.com)
4th July- Fly to Boston
6th- 26th July- Horton Center Summer camp volunteer (www.hortoncenter.com)
29th July- Travel to San Diego via LA
2nd-4th August- Amor 3-2-1 Mission trip to Mexico (www.amor.org)
7th-10th August- Serving with the Dream Center, LA (www.dreamcenter.org)
11th-23rd August- Travel to New York and Visit Communities on the East Coast
24th August- Travel to Toronto and get settled in at York University
I hope that you will remember me, pray for me and email me as I go on this journey- and please continue to keep me updated on what's happening in your lives, because I'm sure I'll be missing you!